I think what shocked me most about the Jonathan Ross affair was the number of politicians – senior politicians, cabinet ministers even – who prefaced their comments on the matter with declarations of admiration for the genius of the man. This is not what I expect from our elected representatives. Their leisure time should be spent perusing minor poets of Latin’s Silver Age, not slumped in front of the gogglebox sniggering at the world’s oldest adolescent. Somehow I cannot imagine Pitt the Younger or Sir Alec Douglas Home kicking off their shoes after a hard week at the despatch box and exclaiming gleefully, ‘Oh good! Wossy’s on!’

It was another reminder of how the world has changed since I was a lad (admittedly not yesterday). Back then computers occupied entire country mansions and would never be used for something as frivolous as gaming. Instead we youngsters thrilled to the magic of ‘Slinky’, the metal coil that walked downstairs. Back then Afghanistan was a peaceful, hospitable port of call on the hippy trail. And back then the dating game was played according to the same sedate rules our fathers and grandfathers would have known.

Not that we ever discussed dating with our parents, you understand. Instead we picked up all we knew about the dating game from television, in particular, as I recall, from Harold Steptoe and the Likely Lads. Thus we would head into battle gleaming and uncomfortable in our Sunday best, hair slicked back, stinking of breath mints and too much aftershave, with the inevitable packet of three in our jacket pocket seeming to bulge more conspicuously than if we had been packing heat. This was all the more annoying as they were in fact entirely superfluous: in the world of old school dating a first date merited nothing more than a chaste peck on the cheek, tongues did not become involved until dates three or four and condoms would not be required until there was an actual ring on her finger.

Not any more it would seem: startling figures in the press recently suggest that 84% of women will now go ‘all the way’ on a first date – and that the remaining 16% presumably don’t get a second one. Am I jealous of today’s youngsters? Astonishingly I would have to say no. Old school dating had charms of its own, you see, charms, which the youth of today, hurtling pell-mell into bed together, entirely miss. The endless trips to the cinema, for example, so many that before long you’d seen everything decent twice over and had to resort instead to the dubious delights of tawdry martial arts movies. The awkward silences over a congealing Wimpy – and have you noticed how the decline in old school dating and the decline in the fortunes of the Wimpy chain have gone hand in hand? Freezing nights spent hanging around the corner shop on the way to the school disco, begging the older boys to get you a bottle of Merrydown cider. The stomach churning moment, after their refusal, when your date of the evening blew you out and bagged off with one of those selfsame older boys instead. Happy days – or if not happy, exactly, at the very least character building.

Old school dating rocked.

ed wildman is the creator, designer, administrator, programmer, author, trouble shooter and all-round dogsbody of the free dating site http://www.freedating247.com/

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